Moving Beyond Abuse: Finding Purpose In Your Pain

For years, domestic violence was an all too familiar companion for me. Like many other women and men, my relationship started with pure love, then shifted to extreme manipulation, and physical and emotional abuse.

I’d hear the accusations ringing loudly in my ear and burning in my heart: Why don’t you just leave? You could get out if you really wanted to. I knew the answer pointed to a deeper issue within myself that I wasn’t brave enough to face.

Perhaps you’ve avoided this same type of internal conflict. As victims of abuse, we often silence those quiet but nagging voices that demand an answer to why we stay. Even worse, we tell ourselves lies like, “One day, he’ll change”, “Things will get better”, or “If I stop making him angry, he won’t hurt me anymore”. In this pit of abuse, we are quick to grasp for any indication that if we try harder, are more understanding and love unconditionally, we can save the relationship.

Research shows that the best predictor of the future is the past. So, if things between you and your significant other have been consistently the same (that includes the cycle of good and bad), and the patterns never change, you can clearly foresee the path that your union will take, and it won’t be a good one.

Deep down in your gut, you know that your soul is deeply wounded. You also realize that if you hone in on this dark truth and examine it up close, you may fall apart and never have the strength to put yourself back together again. That fear drives you to keep your pain concealed.

The truth is, this behavior cannot be “fixed”. It can only be remedied through God’s healing power and intense counseling for both you and your partner.

My journey has taught me that you can heal from the abuse of your past and go on to have loving, fulfilling relationships. You can discover a life that’s complete with joy and freedom, but it takes being vulnerable. If we’re honest, no one wants to deal with that raw place of emotions, but it’s in the process of facing our pain that we gain the strength to move forward.

I’m still a work in progress, but I’m using my experiences to empower others who’ve endured a narrative similar to mine. I realized that regardless of what has been done to me, I get to decide what to do with what I’ve experienced – I no longer have to give my power away to anyone else. I’ve discovered that I have the ability to write my own story, and so do you!

I pray that you find the strength to choose yourself and help someone else along the way.

Living Life Maximized,

Danet Watson